Celebrating Mother’s Day After Loss

I can still remember the dread and unbearable sadness that came with my first Mother’s Day after my miscarriage. Even now with two perfect miracles here with me there is a bittersweet feeling each year when I think about the baby that will always be missing. The baby that made me a mother but I’ll never get a hand print flower or home made card from. That first positive test for my husband and I that was a little version of us we never met. Was it a boy or girl? Would this one have daddy’s eyes or mommy’s nose? What would we have named them? So many questions I’ll never have answers for on this side of heaven. 

There is a feeling of guilt I can’t get past for all the pain I know so many are experiencing around me while I have gone on to be blessed with my sweet boys. While I will never know what it is to experience that day with the innocent joy a young mother should have I can take extra care to hold my tiny ones longer and give the extra kisses through the tears because I appreciate the miracle it is to have them here with me. I know all the things that have to go right in order for that to happen and the all too real consequences those of us have felt when everything doesn’t go just right. 

If you are going through your first Mother’s Day without your sweet baby I hope these ideas can help you get through the day and give you a different perspective. 

1. Celebrate the mothers in your life. It can be hard not to resent those around you that have already been blessed but I find doing things for other people always makes me feel better. Try to think of new fun ways to celebrate those around you and stay busy making their day extra special knowing one day it will be your turn. 
2. Find a way to honor your baby. Whether you buy yourself a gift, purchase a flower or tree to plant in their memory, or just take time to reflect. They deserve to be remembered and you should acknowledge you have a place in the day. Many people may not know what you are going through if you didn’t share your loss and those that do know may not know what to say. It is important for you to make space for that life that mattered in some way.
3. Pray. Pray for your future babies and for the kind of mother you will be someday. 
4. Take the day in pieces. If thinking about the day as a whole seems too heavy then take it by the hour. Some parts you may need to take it by the minute. Determine what works for you and attack in bits so it is more manageable.
5. Take care of your body. Eat well. Drink water. Move your body. Take a nap. Whether you feel like it or not do the things that help your body feel good. 
6. Know that even if your path to motherhood doesn’t look the way you planned God is still good and it is part of his plan. 

If you don’t hear it anywhere else… Happy Mothers Day to you! Thinking of all the mommas out there with babies here and in heaven. Until we get to hold them we rest in knowing God already is.